


Leap Year

by J_Anthony, JoyfulOmens (IDontHaveACleverQuip), MaddyTeddy



Series: IWG 2020 Holidays [3]
Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Cows are strange animals, Crack Fic, Established Relationship, F/F, Female-Presenting Aziraphale (Good Omens), Female-Presenting Crowley (Good Omens), Fluff, Ineffable Wives, Leap Year, No snakes allowed, Post-Apocalypse, St. Patrick - Freeform, geese are evil
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-17
Updated: 2020-03-17
Packaged: 2021-03-01 04:54:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,970
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23179564
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/J_Anthony/pseuds/J_Anthony, https://archiveofourown.org/users/IDontHaveACleverQuip/pseuds/JoyfulOmens, https://archiveofourown.org/users/MaddyTeddy/pseuds/MaddyTeddy
Summary: There's an old Irish tradition that, on leap year, a woman can propose. Crowley didn’t have to think twice before planning the perfect proposal for her angel. If only she knew why the world seemed to be so set on stopping her.
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Series: IWG 2020 Holidays [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1632805
Comments: 18
Kudos: 36
Collections: Ineffable Writers Guild





	Leap Year

**Author's Note:**

> Beta by [J_Anthony](https://archiveofourown.org/users/J_Anthony/pseuds/J_Anthony) & [GingerBeer42](https://archiveofourown.org/users/GingerBeer42/pseuds/GingerBeer42)
> 
> We meant this to be ready on Lear Year itself, but with Joy's unexpected move, followed by loss of computer and loss of phone it didn't quite work out. BUT IT'S DONE NOW!!
> 
> Happy St. Patricks Day!
> 
>  **Edit: Sept. 10th, 2020** [THERE IS NOW A VIDEO!!](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=icGjrnEqfFo&feature=youtu.be) [Quefish](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Quefish/pseuds/Quefish) has posted a video reading this drunk! Check it out 8D

It really was a beautiful ring, Crowley thought to herself as she turned it this way and that, letting the cluster of gems sparkle in the sunlight cast through the windows of the Bentley. Crowley had found the ring in Italy somewhere in the early eighteenth century. She had been drawn to it but had found no use for it at the time. It wasn’t her personal taste, really, far more Aziraphale's style, with a collection of small blue topaz gems set around a flawless central diamond, and pressed in a golden band. When she recently found the ring, stashed away in a drawer, she realized the reason she’d bought it in the first place. 

A perfect cut and shine, perfectly sized to fit one perfect angelic finger. The perfect ring for a proposal...If Aziraphale said yes of course.

"Don't be stupid, 'course she'll say yes, why wouldn't she?" Crowley said, casting a glance to the console as if daring her car to respond. "Don't answer that."

Crowley spared another long look at the ring, allowing a smile to cross her face before pocketing it in the very high fashioned ensemble she'd worn for the occasion. The future of fashion was in pockets and she'd be damned again before she let herself forget that after the last time.

She'd asked Aziraphale to meet her in Ireland. An admittedly odd place for a meeting. Crowley hadn't been to Ireland in possibly centuries (she'd lost count on how many) and couldn't remember why she'd stopped visiting it. It probably wasn't important. 

What _was_ important, was that Ireland had a tradition, a rather old one at that. Once every four years, on leap day, a woman could propose. Knowing Aziraphale's love for dinky, outdated little traditions like that, Crowley knew it would be the perfect opportunity to finally pop the question to her angel. 

With a fortifying breath, Crowley took the wheel and miracled herself and the Bentley directly to Ireland.

…The cows were unexpected.

-

Aziraphale stood in front of a small mirror in her bookshop. She could just see her midsection in it if she perched on her tiptoes. She smoothed some non-existent wrinkles out of the fabric of her dress where it skimmed her curves. A quick glance on the clock told her that it was time to leave. 

Crowley had invited her to a restaurant, and while that was nothing unusual, the fact it was in _Ireland_ of all places made quite a difference. Knowing this, she was loath to be late. She had a few plans of her own for the evening.

"Better get a wiggle on." Aziraphale adjusted herself once more in the mirror, smiled wide and nodded, then headed out the door ignoring the bubbling nerves in the back of her mind.

-

The Bentley was in a cow field. Right _smack_ in the middle of it. The bovines closest to the car had paused their eating to stare at it nonplussed. 

"What the H- Somewhere." Crowley muttered, giving a stink eye out the window. The cows had decided the Bentley’s unexpected appearance wasn't interesting and continued to tear up the grass. 

Crowley frowned at the indifferent bovines. “Not sure why I’m here, but let’s not linger.” She snapped her fingers, intending to finish transporting herself and her car to Dublin… but nothing happened. She raised a brow, befuddled at the lack of power behind her miracle attempt and snapped again, this time more slowly. Nothing happened. 

Crowley growled and fired off a few quick, impatient snaps, one after another, only to finally culminate in the appearance of a single banana that dropped out of nowhere in the passenger's seat. 

“A… banana.”

Crowley rolled her eyes exasperatedly and decided to ignore it. She prepared to try miracling once again, not yet having given up on the senseless snapping, only to witness another banana pop into existence and land on her lap. “What-” suddenly a veritable onslaught of bananas started to appear, each with a tiny cartoonish pop. The passenger seat filled, as did her lap, and still the bananas kept coming. "Oh, shit." 

In panic she rolled down the window and started throwing bananas out as quickly as possible, but she stood no chance against the onslaught of fiendish fruits. She could feel her own power bringing them there against her will, as if the bananas were a delayed reaction to her unsuccessful attempts to miracle.

"For fuck's sake!" Crowley cursed loudly as she gave up throwing the bananas out the window. _‘Buried in Bananas’, could make for a great cocktail name_ , she thought to herself. In a last ditch effort, Crowley snapped her fingers again, putting all her will into sending the bananas away. Hundreds of miles away, a starving family suddenly found a feast of fresh bananas on their table. 

Thank God, Satan or whoever! With the bananas dispersed, Crowley was able to focus on her proposal plans again. Which clearly needed to be tweaked now, knowing she couldn’t just miracle herself to the restaurant for whatever barmy reason the universe had decided to curse her with.

Crowley adjusted her clothing with a huff, then recalled she had a cellphone on her. A quick check of her phone's GPS revealed that, despite the odd arrival point, she had at least made it _to_ Ireland. Close enough. If she knew Aziraphale (and she did, thank you very much), the angel would be taking public transportation, so there would still be plenty of time to drive the rest of the way to Dublin. Problem solved!

"Alright, minor setback. Nothing we can't handle, right ole girl?" She patted a hand on the dashboard. "Got through the flaming M25, we can drive through some cows." 

She gripped the wheel and stomped her heel into the pedal, but as with her miracle before, nothing happened. Crowley threw her hands in the air in frustration, before slamming them down on the steering wheel, and gripping it tightly. 

“Alright, two can play this game,” she scowled, even though she had no idea what ‘this game’ was. She just wanted to feel _in charge_ of whatever was happening here. 

So far, it seemed like she couldn’t use her demonic powers, so miracling anything was out the window (quite literally). The biggest problem here was that she just kind of _willed_ the Bentley to drive, she never actually learned _how_ to drive it. And now that she thought of it… she’d not gotten petrol since she got the James Bond decals. Yeah, this wasn’t going to work without a miracle. “Shit.”

With growing dread, Crowley realized the only way she could _possibly_ make it to her date and propose to Aziraphale on time...would be to walk. She winced as she glanced at her heels. Great fashion, but not meant for walking long distances on country roads. 

With an inelegant huff, Crowley opened the door and stepped out of her beloved car and into the field. She’d spent too much time planning this proposal so _very_ carefully and Aziraphale was already on her way. For the sake of her angel, she would _walk_. 

Crowley wrinkled her nose in disgust as she eyed the cattle warily. “So, you and…” She spun around, pointing towards a few of the cows to command. “You. And you. Look after my car, it better be in exactly the same condition as it is _right now_ when I return, _or else_ …” She gave them her best death glare.

Only one of the bovines bothered looked at her, chewing cud disinterestedly. The rest ignored Crowley and continued what they were doing. Unlike her houseplants, the cows obviously didn’t care much for the threats she was making. Crowley gave a final glare around the field hoping to drive home the point as she stepped towards the road, and stepped into a giant, steamy pile of fresh cow dung. The death glare she shot to the nearest cow would’ve sent any human cowering, but the cow still didn't react.

Enraged at her inability to frighten the livestock and with one foot covered in fresh cow pie, Crowley trudged out of the pasture and onto the road. It was damp and she was starting to feel sticky already. 

“That’s going to ruin the hairdo. G- somebody, I hate this.” she grumbled as she pulled her phone from the pocket of her black jumpsuit and tried to open the map to see where she should be going. 

The screen flickered once before going black and it occurred to her that she didn’t _actually_ have a phone plan. Nor had she ever charged her phone in the first place. As a demon, she could just assume it would be charged every morning, and it was. Not now, apparently. Crowley cursed as she pressed urgently on the power button and tapped the screen. But as with her miracles and the Bentley, nothing happened.

“Bless it all!” Crowley threw the phone into the pasture towards the cows, watching with barely repressed dread as it landed in a pile of fresh dung. Maybe not the best idea… But when some of the cows were startled by the sudden flying object and ran away, Crowley felt moderately better. 

There were no turn offs near here, as far as Crowley could see, so GPS or not, she knew she had a fifty-fifty chance of choosing the right direction. “Hmmm… I think it was this way… or the other one?” 

With a huff she patted her pockets once again, just to check if the box with the ring in it was still there. The ring was the most important part anyway. Ring accounted for, Crowley took off towards the right at a steady pace. Today couldn’t get much worse than this, right?

-

Meanwhile, Aziraphale was enjoying the view of the landscape as it flew past her train car window. She took a sip of her fresh tea and turned her attention to her book. The angel did love a quiet train ride with a good book, it was quite relaxing to feel the train rattling over the rails as she read. She wondered if Crowley had already arrived at the restaurant. If not, it would probably be soon, speed demon that she was. 

Aziraphale prefered to travel by train. She didn’t mind going with the Bentley for short distances, but riding all the way to Ireland would probably discorporate her. She also preferred not to miracle herself over long distances in general, it tended to leave a faint ringing in her ears that lingered for days. She smiled to herself and again focused on her book while sipping on her tea. Soon she would be dining with Crowley. She could hardly wait.

-

Crowley was wrong. 

Things could be worse. Things could be much, _much_ worse..

Loud gospel music bellowed out of car speakers, accompanied by the off key chants of the voices of four family members. Crowley sat in the backseat of a car, squeezed between a young boy and girl both singing along as loudly as their shrill child voices could. Crowley feared the windows of the car would shatter any minute. 

The demon had given up walking after fifteen minutes and tried to hitch-hike. Miraculously she’d managed to stop the first car that came along. But this had been a _big_ mistake. The only thing _miraculous_ about this ride, was how miraculously hellish it was.

Crowley checked her watch for the fifth time in just as many minutes, but time seemed to have slowed down to a crawl, her head almost exploded and her ears bled from the constant gospel sound from all directions. Now Crowley knew what it meant to burn in hell for eternity because _this was pure torture_. Dagon would be proud of this level of demonic torment. Whoever thought up _gospel_ music _had_ to have been from downstairs. She regretted all her previous life decisions and wished a pool of boiling sulfur would open up immediately in front of her, so she could voluntarily jump in it, ensuring that this terrible car ride would _finally_ come to an end. 

“Good thing we foun’ you deary, you woulda ended up in Derry otherwise. Don’t think you wanna go there,” the mother warbled cheerily from the front seat over the next round of singing from her _very demonic_ children. 

Crowley just nodded and gritted her teeth. How slow could they _actually_ drive? The vehicle was moving so far under the speed limit, Crowley had considered crawling out the window and walking the rest of the way. If she still wanted to arrive at the restaurant _this_ century, it would take a miracle!

Crowley groaned and lamented the fact that, slow as the car was going, it was still faster than _walking_ to Dublin. Looked like she would just have to tough it out. _For Aziraphale’s sake_ , she would tough it out. 

“For Aziraphale, for Aziraphale, for Aziraphale, Aziraphale, Aziraphale…” she murmured, letting it be her mantra for the rest of the ride.

-

Aziraphale arrived at the restaurant ready for her date, but, much to her surprise, Crowley wasn’t there. That was strange, she’d expected Crowley would be waiting for her, not the other way around. 

Oh well, perhaps Crowley had just gotten held up with something, wouldn’t be the first time her dear demon hadn’t been precisely on time. Crowley had occasionally turned up late, claiming she was ‘being fashionably late’. Aziraphale, of course, knew this was Crowley's way of saying 'sorry I lost track of time, but I'm here now', and she always forgave the serpent.

Still, the fact it was a rarity for Crowley to be late was enough to have her mildly worried. “No, no. None of that!” Aziraphale waved the negative thoughts away. Demon though she may be, Crowley had never lied or stood her up before, clearly her partner was simply running 'fashionably late'.

Aziraphale adjusted her coat. “I think I’ll just take a little peek at the menu while I wait then.” She wiggled in anticipation at the thought of the selection of desserts.

-

After far too long, the gospel hell-trap this family considered a car arrived at the train station. The vehicle had hardly come to a stop before Crowley was climbing right over the gospel girl and out the door. The child let out a dull squeak at the unexpected action and watched Crowley stumble out of the car in confusion. 

“Uh yeah, well, thanks I guess.” Crowley stuttered, not sure if she should be thankful or rip out their tongues as punishment for _her_ torment.

“Was no problem!" The mother chipped in, "Don’t forget deary, Jesus will forgive all your sins!”

Crowley scowled at the comment, but as soon as she saw the very rural train station, all the anger and pain were gone as her heart filled with joy and anticipation for her plans to come.

Without looking back to the family as the children cheered their goodbyes, Crowley straightened her back, smoothed her jumpsuit, and strutted brisky into the train station. As she arrived at the platform she looked at the display: _Next train to Dublin arriving in 10 minutes_. Plenty of time left till the train arrived meant plenty of time to catch her breath after all the chaos it had taken to get this far.

Crowley took a seat on an outside bench and examined herself and what a mess she was. Boots dirty, jumpsuit crumpled and stained from the car ride, and just a little bit smelly. Reaching for her hair she could feel how messy it must be as well, but she didn't care at the moment, instead she focused her thoughts entirely on Aziraphale.

She reached into the pocket, pulled out the little red box with the ring and opened it reverently. She took the ring between two fingers and turned it so the light of the lanterns could reflect themselves in the beautiful topaz. Crowley found herself hypnotized by the sparkle and thoughts of how Aziraphale’s reaction when she finally sees the ring for the first time. Then suddenly, out of nowhere, a goose appeared from the shadows and snagged the ring right out of her hand. 

" _Honk, honk_!" 

Stunned, the redhead stared at the white bird running away from her. It took her a few moments to process what exactly happened before she got up and started to chase the goose, arms flailing and a myriad of curses leaving her lips. “Get back here, you arseflapper!”

She followed the feathered fiend off the train station and onto the main road of the little town the station played host to. Some passing humans spared her some strange looks that she ignored. Her full attention was entirely focused on catching the honking hellion who had the audacity to try stealing the ring intended for her angel. 

The goose made the poor decision of pausing to wait for her at the edge of a shallow pond. This was the perfect opportunity for Crowley, who didn’t hesitate to scream and launch herself at the offending bird. The goose honked in distress and dropped the ring, just as planned! What wasn’t as planned was for the ring to plummet into the muddy pond water and be lost beneath the surface mere seconds before Crowley crashed into the water as well, with a massive splash. 

The goose honked again before flying off to who knows where, leaving Crowley to watch it escape in disbelief. “That... _damn bird_.” Crowley hissed and bemoaned the ruination of her perfectly selected outfit, now covered in stinking mud from the stagnant pond water. With a heavy sigh, she began to search the bottom of the pond for the ring. She could clean herself up later, but without the ring everything really would be ruined. She could do this, it wasn’t too late yet! Just another minor setback is all, she continued to try reassuring herself, in a poor attempt to hold back the tears she could feel trying to form.

When her fingers finally enclosed around the hard metal of the ring, Crowley gasped in relief and held her prize over her head with a feeling of triumph, ignoring the mud and water dripping from her whole body. She got the ring back! She would raise hell on earth before she let it out of her sight again. 

Crowley returned to the train station much later than she’d intended, only to find the regretful truth she hadn’t wanted to accept. She’d missed the train. With a slumped posture, soaking wet, and feeling muck and water filling her high heeled boots. Crowley turned around and began to walk once more. She would make it to Dublin even if it discorporated her.

-

It’d become dark in Dublin. The restaurant had closed hours ago, leaving Aziraphale to continue her fret-filled vigil. Aziraphale had ordered and eaten a couple desserts as she’d waited for Crowley, at first thinking the other was late, then perhaps that she’d been stood up. As hours passed, though, and Aziraphale still received no word from Crowley, she’d rapidly lost her appetite. Now with the restaurant closed and the sun long gone past the horizon, Aziraphale was pacing anxiously outside of the restaurant. 

Her mind had gone into overdrive thinking about all the things that could possibly have happened to keep her demon away. Had Heaven or Hell decided to strike again? Had some human gotten the jump on Crowley and locked her away in a summoning circle?

“Angel!” The voice of her demon cut through her growing paranoia and Aziraphale felt a surge of relief and joy, followed quickly by righteous anger. Crowley was here and had stood her up!

Aziraphale turned sharply towards the cry, ready to give Crowley a piece of her mind. All thoughts of hurt retribution fled as Aziraphale took in the sight of the woman shaped being that approached her. Crowley was gasping with lack of breath, and smelling of sweat and rancid muck that she was positively covered in. 

"Oh darling, what on earth happened to you?" Aziraphale's potential anger at being stood up fled at the state of her darling demon. She pulled out a handkerchief and made an honest attempt to pat Crowley's face clean. It, sadly, did nothing but smear the muck around, but it was the thought that counted.

Crowley’s eyes filled with tears at the gentle ministrations. She’d had a very long day and everything had almost literally gone to hell, but she’d made it to her angel. Even _if_ all her plans were ruined.

Aziraphale, realizing she was being silly, miracled away the muck and grime from Crowley’s abysmal adventure, so she could take a knee and comfort her demon properly. “It’s alright, love.”

“No it’s _not_!” Crowley hiccuped in protest, “I had all it all planned out, angel. It was going to be _perfect_ and you were going to _love it._ But I couldn't drive the car, and I had to listen to _gospel_ music, and a goose made me miss the train and-!”

“Oh, my dear, you _have_ had a rough day, haven’t you.” Aziraphale gave Crowley a calming smile and reached up to her demon’s ear. “But what’s this?”

“No angel, no magic-” 

Before the word "tricks" could pass Crowley’s lips, Aziraphale, kneeling before her, had pulled off her trick. She brought her hand away from Crowley’s ear now holding, not a coin as Crowley had expected, but _a ring_. One shaped like a serpent with two shimmering yellow topaz stones in place of its eyes. 

Topaz. Just like her ring for Aziraphale. A matching pair, the same gemstone in different colors. Crowley started to laugh, then cry as she fumbled in her pocket and pulled out her own topaz ring, offering it to Aziraphale.

The angel's eyes widened even more when she saw the second ring. "Oh, my dearest. It’s beautiful!"

"Aziraphale," said Crowley.

"Crowley," said Aziraphale.

"Will you marry me?" The supernatural entities asked in tandem, before immediately saying a resounding " _yes_!" together as well. 

They both laughed and cried in each other's arms, taking in the exhilarating moment. Then, with shaking hands, they fumbled in joy as they each bestowed a topaz ring on the other.

With rings in place, each of them examined their new adornments before sharing a smile. 

"S'pose I ought to kiss the bride?" Crowley asked cheekily.

"Not married just yet, darling," Aziraphale answered with a barely contained smile. "Merely a promise of what's to come." And without further fanfare, Aziraphale and Crowley shared their first kiss as fiances. 

"A promise there'll be more of that, I hope." said Crowley.

"I would certainly hope so," said Aziraphale as they separated. “Now, let’s go get your Bentley, dear.” 

"After you, angel." 

Aziraphale led Crowley towards the curb as she miracled a cab to get them, despite the late hour. “You see, I planned this the minute you told me you wanted to meet in Ireland. Since, as you clearly know of the Leap Day tradition. And I thought it was a splendid opportunity! Six thousand years is an awful long time to be dating, after all."

"Whu, six tho- _dating_?" Crowley gaped but was otherwise ignored as Aziraphale continued to prattle on.

"Honestly though, Crowley, I'm surprised you wanted to meet in Ireland at all, of all places. I thought they had banished all snakes from Ireland. Didn't Saint Patrick curse you himself, never to return?”

Crowley’s jaw dropped. " _That's_ what’s been going on all this time!" How could she have forgotten? 

"Did- Oh good lord, you forgot, didn't you." Aziraphale tried and failed not to laugh at her– her _fiance_. 

"Shut up," Crowley grumbled. "Let's just go get the Bentley and get back to London."

"Of course, darling." 

**Author's Note:**

> Join us at the [Ineffable Writers Guild discord server](https://discord.gg/8Z9dQPe)!
> 
> Topaz is a symbol of love and affection, and has been said to be an aid to ones sweetness and disposition


End file.
